Silent Torment
by MWard92
Summary: *Trigger Warning* – Suicide attempt; mention of drunk driving; attempted rape Rating: M Summary: When Katniss doesn't think her life can get any worse someone comes in to save her… *one-shot* If there's enough interest I may write another chapter.


Trigger Warning – Suicide attempt; mention of drunk driving; attempted rape

Rating: M

Summary: When Katniss doesn't think her life can get any worse someone comes in to save her…

 **Silent Torment**

I'm standing at the edge as my mind races. I've been at this cliff a hundred times. I came here first with my father when I was little. And after he passed away in that car wreck with the drunk driver, I stayed away for several months. But, eventually, I decided that Prim needed to see it. She needed to understand the importance of this place. What it meant to me and us.

 _Am I really going to do this?_ I think to myself. _This is the right choice after all. There's no happiness left here. Nothing I can do to make things better. Prim is grown up and finding her own way in the world. She doesn't need me here dragging her down._ My breath hitches and I feel myself shaking. My heart thuds loudly in my ears and all I hear is the rushing of water below.

"Katniss, please don't move." I hear the crunch of leaves under shoes and I already know who it is by the voice. It's Peeta. I'm sure he knew exactly where to come looking for me when I decided not to show up for our Saturday movie and junk food day. I'm not sure why he's here. His life would be better without me as well. He's too good for me. Too kind and gracious and I'm nothing.

"Peeta, please just go away. I'm sorry." My voice is merely a whisper as I attempt to choke back the sobs forming in my throat. I love him and he means the world to me and that's why I don't want him to witness as I take my own life. My palms sweat and I nervously shift on my feet, trying to find my breath and hoping I can make Peeta leave.

"Katniss, why are you doing this? What is this about?" Peeta's voice is calm and soothing and wraps me in an invisible blanket full of comfort and warmth. I do notice the worry in his words and I slowly turn my head to face him at my side.

His hand carefully moves toward mine and I can see I'm visibly shaking. My mind is muddled and emotions so tense that I can hardly process anything besides my own breathing. I feel his touch, soft but strong fingers interlace with mine. Tears begin to roll down my cheeks and the sobs I so desperately wanted to hold back begin to force their way up and out.

I've cried in front of Peeta twice in my life. Once was when my father died and Peeta was there to comfort me. He brought me baked goods and checked on me every day. And even though I didn't speak much, he would just come and sit in silence with me. The other time was when Gale and I broke up. I ended up on Peeta's doorstep at 2 in the morning, eyes red and puffy and my arms wrapped around me in a protective shield. He held me that entire night as I clung to him desperately hoping against all hope that what I had experienced wasn't true.

I always thought I could trust Gale, but after dating for several months and hanging with the wrong people, Gale began to drink heavily and after refusing to sleep with him, he attempted to destroy me by taking my innocence. Thankfully, I was sober, unlike Gale and although not matched in strength, my speed is what allowed me to dart out of his apartment. The adrenaline rush fueled me until I arrived at Peeta's place where I finally gave in and collapsed with no energy left to spare.

Peeta never once pried or expected an explanation that night. The only thing he knew was what almost happened and that I'd managed to escape. He tensed up when I had shared my story and the next day, he took me to file a report and get a restraining order against Gale.

That was 3 years ago. But, I still feel lost and empty. I'm a broken shell, void of passion, desire or fight left. I go through the motions and do what I can, but it was yesterday evening when I realized I couldn't do it any longer.

His hand brushes a strand of hair out of my face and I'm brought back to reality as I see his blue eyes glisten with sadness. He seems my sorrow and my pain. It snaps me out of my thoughts and brings me back to him.

"Please, Katniss. Come sit in my car with me. I'm here." Oddly enough, I believe him, despite my confused state. I numbly follow him to his car and he puts me in the back seat and joins me. There is no hurry to go anywhere. He simply wants to hold me and I agree to allow it.

I awaken a few hours later to find myself at Peeta's home with a thunderstorm roaring in the background. I'm in his bed with the blanket wrapped around my small frame and there's a glass of water on the bed side table. Peeta is at his desk busy sketching something but he turns around when he hears me stir.

"Hey, you feel asleep earlier and when I saw the sky getting dark I figured I'd drive us here and let you rest up." His smile is soothing and brings me a small amount of peace.

"Thanks." I mumble my appreciation and avoid his gaze. I know he is curious and wants to know what's going through my mind. At the same time, he won't push me and waits for me to be ready to share my thoughts.

He lets out a heavy sigh.

"Katniss, I don't…" Stumbling on his words he continues, "I don't know what I would do if, if you went away forever. I don't want to lose you. And I don't want this to scare you. But, I don't ever want to experience losing you. I don't expect you to say anything in return, but when I found you today, I knew I couldn't keep this to myself any longer. I love you."

I can tell he's uncomfortable with what he's just said and he's waiting for me to dart out of his room and hide from reality. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't true but at the same time, I feel a strange pull to stay here and face this because for the first time in forever I do feel loved.

So when the tears begin to fall again, I don't even notice until Peeta is at my side gently wiping the salty rivers from my cheeks.

"Thank you." I peek up at him and put my hand on his cheek and I inhale deeply. The scent of him surrounds me and kisses my skin. I'm enveloped in sugar and sweet spices.

I figure if Peeta bears his heart so openly, I may as well be honest with him.

"Peeta," I swallow thickly and continue, "I'm sorry about today. I wanted to go away and get rid of the pain. I didn't know what to do anymore. You saved me today and every day. I don't know why I've fought it this long, but I love you, too."

Nervously, I begin to bite my bottom lip but Peeta just tilts my head up to look into my eyes. My heart is beating loudly again but this time for all the right reasons and I can't help but give a slight nod to encourage Peeta's silent request.

His lips meet mine in a feather light touch and it's like we are testing the waters. But soon it seems I can't get enough of him and I grab him to get him closer and when he asks for permission to explore my mouth, I grant it without a second thought. He tastes sweet and heavenly just as I imagined he would and it feels like I'll never have enough of him.

He breaks our kiss and pants as he asks, "Are you okay with this?" All I can do is nod and my eyelids flutter closed as his lips find my pulse point and he showers me with kisses. "Please Peeta, I need you." I whimper and realize how desperately I need this. How much I need him. He's the very thing I live and breathe and how I was so blind to this until now is incomprehensible to me.

Peeta shifts to move onto the bed completely and his hands support me and help me feel safe. I run my hand under his shirt and feel the warmth of his bare skin against my fingertips. He hisses and I can feel the muscles tense up so I freeze my movement.

"No it's okay. You can keep going. It just feels really good. You have no idea the effect you have. You are beautiful." His words are music to my ears and I become brave. I begin to help him peel off his shirt and discard it along with mine on the floor. Gently, I bring his hand to the clasp of my bra and allow him to undo this piece of clothing.

He drinks me in and although I feel self-conscious I try to remember his words. My eyes lock with his and he continues to allow me time to refuse this. But, I only nod and tell him he is welcome to explore. I close my eyes as the sensation of him overtakes me. Every inch of my skin tingles and burns with his touch and I hum in satisfaction as he begins to taste and kiss and suck his way around my breasts.

As he busies himself exploring my chest, I begin aiding in the removal of his pants that are starting to feel like a terrible barrier. I want him close. I want to feel every piece of him and allow myself to get lost. His touch forever singed into my skin allowing me to remember this very moment. When his pants are on the floor, I begin to work on my own, quickly shimming out of them.

Never have I been this vulnerable in front of any one. But at the same time, I feel home. There's a feeling of appreciation, love and warmth here. It's not enough though. I need more. I need him. Every bit of him. I need to feel him inside because I've always felt broken and empty without him. He is the missing puzzle piece that completes me.

"Peeta." I'm panting heavily and I can feel the heat build in my core. "I need you, please. I want to feel every piece of you." He stops and stares into my eyes, my soul completely as the silent question is asked. I lean into his ear and whisper, "Make love to me, Peeta." I feel his head move up and down in agreement and I can feel him hard and ready against me. Peeta knows I've been on birth control forever. Practically since the incident with Gale. I decided I would always be safe even though I never planned to share this gift with anyone but Peeta if it ever came to that.

He's removed the last of our undergarments and I can see him watching me with raw emotion. His love pours out and swallows me in a cocoon of promises and I feel more loved and safe than I've ever felt before. Slowly he begins to push into me and at this point, I'm so ready for him that despite my complete lack of experience in this activity he becomes part of me without any discomfort. I can tell he is still because he's unsure of my feelings but I roll my hips into his and he lets out another hiss of intense pleasure and I smile to myself.

This feeling is one unlike any other and I couldn't imagine sharing it with anyone besides Peeta. He's holding me close, whispering sweetness into my ears and occasionally he finds himself back at my pulse point, licking and sucking as I try to remain somewhat grounded. This feeling has me going up and up as I'm filled with new life. And with each thrust Peeta somehow manages to bury himself deeper and I feel more complete with every passing moment.

I make my way downward to encourage myself to reach the peak but Peeta is well aware of this and stops me. "Not yet." He says with my hand encased in his. "I want you to enjoy every moment of this." It amazes me at how attentive he is to my needs and always wants the best for me. I wrap my small hands around him and find them tightly holding on for dear life. His back muscles move under my fingers and I can feel the exertion as he continues to help me get lost in ourselves.

"I'm close, Peeta. Please, just touch me." I beg for his touch and he acknowledges my need by bringing his hand to the spot where we're joined. Carefully, he experiments with pressure and strokes as I provide feedback through struggled moans and sighs. My fingers rake across his back and there's a primal hunger in me that feels I need to claim him as mine. There is no such devotion I'd ever give to another and I know his thoughts mirror mine.

My breaths continue to come in short bursts and I struggle to find the air required to stay present in the moment. But as he sucks on my hardened bud and works my other breast attentively, I lose all semblance of this earth. My back arches into him and I cry out as pulses of pleasure flow through my entire body. I feel myself tense as I grasp the bed sheets, struggling to dedicate this feeling to memory. Peeta tenses as well and I feel him still and he empties himself while I play with the hair at his nape and hold him to me. I hear words being spoken and soon realize it's me, over and over again I tell Peeta, "I love you. You're my everything. Thank you for saving me."

As he comes back to earth from his own powerful climax he takes me lip and sucks on it while tracing his finger alongside my hip. Despite just having experienced an incredible high, his hands spark the fire in me again and I inhale the scent of us. A musky combination of sweat and sex, there's a calming aura as we listen to each other breathe and the rain lightly beating on the window.

The moment Peeta slips out, I feel cold. Something is missing and I smile at the thought of how perfect the puzzle pieces fit. He disappears into his bathroom and comes back with a warm wash cloth to clean me up. His smile never fades and I can feel his euphoria radiating through the bedroom. He helps me slip into a clean t-shirt of his and grabs a pair of boxers for himself.

Though we've shared the same bed many times throughout our years of friendship, it has never held a meaning like it does tonight. I snuggle up to Peeta and rest my palm to feel his heart beat match mine. I know there are things we have to talk about but for now, Peeta knows he has me safely tucked away here and I feel protected and loved. I was never one to believe in guardian angels but Peeta has shown me that somehow he was always there watching. He has always been there to catch me if I fall and how I could die without living a life filled to the brim with his love I cannot comprehend. So I promise myself in this very moment that no matter what torment or silent nightmares I fight, my guardian angel will chase it away and catch me. Because I am worthy of love and life and everything that comes with it.


End file.
